Topic outline
Description of the content and form of the seminar:
This seminar consists of the first part of a course about ways of finding solutions, in a peaceful manner, which satisfy all interested parties. The course consists of 3 workshops and the seminar introduces the first of these:
Workshop 1 – Active Listening. When and how do I use it?
Workshop 2 – How to use I-Messages instead of You-Messages.
Workshop 3 – Conflict Resolution.
We draw information and material from Dr Thomas Gordon’s approach who has been nominated three times for the Nobel Peace Award (Gordon, 2003). In order to comprehend and practice conflict resolution properly, we need to learn first how to use active listening, which is a prerequisite for effective conflict resolution.
The seminar and the first workshop was given live on the 29th of November from 17.00 – 20.00
The last two workshops will be announced shortly.
Purpose:
The purpose of the course and the workshops are for participants: a) to become acquainted with active listening and learn when it is proper and effective to use it and how (Workshop 1); b) to practice more on active listening and learn how to use I-Messages instead of You-Messages (Workshop 2), and c) to learn the six steps of conflict resolution and how to use it (Workshop 3).
Learning outcomes:
The learning outcomes are below described in the form of a matrix in order to include all terms of knowledge, skills and competence, which define “learning outcomes” according to the Recommendation of the European Parliament and of the establishment of the European Qualifications Framework for Lifelong Learning (http://eurspace.eu).
Educational commons aim at the collective and equal formation of a community consisting of people with different perceptions, values, beliefs, and interests who are very likely to go into competition and cause conflicts within the community. It is therefore necessary to settle and resolve the conflicts or disagreements that arise, for the benefit of each individual as well as the community to which he/she belongs, while promoting the community’s sustainability and resilience (Pechtelidis &Kioupkiolis, 2020). Here, there is correspondence with one of the eight commons’ principles Elinor Ostrom proposed, namely the need for co-creation of conflict resolution mechanisms for the preservation and well-being of a common by the commoners themselves. This principle is vital for the commons even though the pattern of people sitting in a circle discussing a problem behaviour, although crucial and important, is just not enough. What is missing and would facilitate the resolution of problem behaviours for the benefit of the whole community is some form of systematic training in order for individuals to develop specific communication and social skills (Pechtelidis, 2020). In the context of this logic, a specific model of conflict resolution of active listening (by Thomas Gordon) is proposed, which in a sense is linked to a broader approach to the pedagogy of listening, as developed mainly by the “school” of Reggio Emilia. The model of the award-winning psychologist Thomas Gordon, nominated for three consecutive times for the Nobel Peace Prize, is a useful tool for the settlement and resolution of possible disagreements and conflicts within a group and a community in general and for the promotion and enhancement of the logic of the commons, equality and active inclusion in education and society. Gordon’s practical approach can be combined in a fruitful way both with specific theoretical approaches of the commons (Dardot& Laval, 2014; Kioupkiolis, 2019), as well as with the theory of ‘agonistic democratic experience’ formulated by Chantal Mouffe (2004). Competition is a key component of democracy according to Mouffe and conflict for Gordon is inevitable- even healthy. The problem is not the existence of competition or conflict but rather the way in which conflicts are resolved. In this, the help of Gordon’s model is extremely important because it enables us to settle conflicts in various social settings, such as family, work and education. In addition, it helps us to listen to the views of others for better understanding and for improved relations in all areas (Pechtelidis, 2020). According to Gordon, and the way of non-defeat, as Gordon calls it, it is possible to approach situations of conflict in a way that the conflicting sides can work together to find a mutually acceptable solution, i.e. a solution that does not require defeat of the other side. This approach implies an equal resolution of the issue, a mutually acceptable solution (win-win) and mutual respect for both parties. There are some necessary conditions for using this approach of ‘not defeat’ by teachers. The primary skill required is the acquisition of some competence in active listening. Teachers should be able to encourage children to speak out about their needs at any given time. Children also need to feel that their needs will be understood and accepted before entering the negotiation process (through Gordon’s specific practice of active listening). The next skill needed in the non-defeat approach is for teachers to be able to express their needs with the so-called ‘I message’ or ‘responsibility message’ as well as the ‘you messages’, which usually use, accuse, shame and humiliate children depriving them of any inclination to get further involved in resolving an issue. An ‘I message’ includes a clear and non-critical description of unacceptable behaviour, followed by a reference to the effect it has on the teacher and the emotion it evokes. For example: “When you interrupt me, I lose my temper and forget what I was saying, and I feel very frustrated.” Finally, children need to be convinced that teachers are trying a completely new approach so that they are open to it. More specifically, the steps of the non-defeat approach are as follows:
1. Identifying the issue and recording the needs
2. Finding possible solutions
3. Evaluation of solutions
4. Decision-taking
5. Determining how the decision will be implemented
6. Evaluating the success of the solution
The benefits of the above method are multiple. First of all, there is no resentment on either side, since no one loses. Also, children are more likely to accept a decision and have a greater motivation to implement it when they are part of it, while the opposite happens when their point of view is not considered. This approach recognizes individual rights and places great value on the demand for self-determination of people, which is very intense at a young age (Corsaro, 1985). In addition, it strengthens and promotes the democratic process of co-shaping the rules of a group or community. Creative thinking, ingenuity and experience of children and teachers are activated through their cooperation. The dangers of using power and the need for its victims to develop (self) destructive mechanisms to deal with it are eliminated. Relationships between teachers and children are characterized by mutual respect, interest, trust, positive feelings of friendship and ‘warmth’ are born. Responsibility and maturity are cultivated in children, who in this way develop as potential commoners (Pechtelidis, 2020).The training will be realised in two sections1st section:
2nd section:
Reference-literature:
Corsaro, W. (1985). Friendship and Peer Culture in the Early Years. Norwood: Ablex.
Dardot, P. & Laval, C. (2014). Commun. Paris: La Découverte.
Gordon, T. (2003). Teacher Effectiveness Training. New York: Three rivers press.
Kioupkiolis, A. (2019). The Common and Counter-Hegemonic Politics: Re-thinking social change. Edinburgh University Press.
Mouffe, C. (2009). The Democratic Paradox. London: Verso.
Pechtelidis, Y. (2020). Towards a Commons-based Education within and beyond the ‘Walls’. Athens: Gutenberg.
Pechtelidis, Y. &Kioupkiolis, A. (2020). Education as Commons, Children as Commoners: The Case Study of the Little Tree Community. Democracy and Education, 28 (1), Article 5. https://democracyeducationjournal.org/home/vol28/iss1/5
Workshop 1 – Active Listening. When do I use it?
Duration: 90-120 minutes.
Suggested number of participants: 10-20
Learning Outcomes
Knowledge
Skills
Competence
To know what a
“behavior window” is
To be able to use a “behavior window”
To distinguish between accepted and unaccepted behaviors.
To learn how to recognize whose problem it is & when to use active listening
To be able to recognize whose problem it is & use active listening when is needed
To use active listening in order to deal with an unaccepted behavior, depending on whose problem it is.
To know how to recognize all three conditions of Active Listening and to learn how to maintain a caring posture/ attitude.
To be able to recognize all three conditions of Active Listening
To show and maintain a caring posture/ attitude via active listening
To learn how to recognize the 12 Roadblocks of Communication
To avoid using the 12 Roadblocks of Communication
To be able to communicate in a peaceful manner, without arousing problems.
Workshop 2 – How to use I-Messages instead of You-Messages
Duration: 60-90 minutes.
Suggested number of participants: 10-20
Learning Outcomes
Knowledge
Skills
Competence
To know how to recognize all three parts of an I-Message.
To be able to compose an I-Message.
When there is a problem, to communicate it in a peaceful way.
To Know how to use active listening as a follow up to I-Messages.
To be able to use active listening as a follow up to I-Messages.
To deal with even more demanding situations.
Το learn how to "peel" the various layers of a situation, and recognize what the core of the problem is.
To be able to "peel" the various layers of a situation, and recognize what the core of the problem is.
To communicate in a more real and authentic way with the others.
Workshop 3 – Conflict Resolution
Duration: 60-90 minutes.
Suggested number of participants: 10-20
Learning Outcomes
Knowledge
Skills
Competence
To know how to distinguish the difference between “needs” and “solutions” and use it in Conflict Resolution.
To distinguish the difference between “needs” and “solutions” and use it in Conflict Resolution.
To apply the first step of Gordon’s Conflict Resolution.
To learn the six steps of Gordons’ Conflict Resolution.
To use the six steps of Gordon’s Conflict Resolution.
To manage conflicts in a peaceful way.